Lauren Leto

Dear Kurt Vonnegut Fans

Posted in book porn by Lauren Leto on December 20, 2009

Hey! You’re a fan of Kurt Vonnegut? So is that kid you know. And your uncle – the cool one. Everyone has an ex boyfriend or girlfriend that were Kurt Vonnegut fans. And that relationship was memorable. Because Vonnegut fans are crazy.

The first comments written after I wrote my “Readers by Author” post were by people asking me to do a Vonnegut stereotype.

Which was hard because Vonnegut fans are ever-changing. You know you are.

Vonnegut fans are the quiet guy/girl in your ninth grade math class who turns into the slightly popular rebel by senior year. In college they turn into an art student. After graduation, they end up working in pharmaceuticals. After the first divorce, they turn into a full-time blogger. Or some sort of story that resembles a thousand different paths you took to where you are now.

You’re the craziest people in the world.

Vonnegut people are too random and varied for me to stereotype. However, I at least know they are rebels enough to have made love or smoked pot at some point in their life to the song Creep by Radiohead.

[I wish I were a Vonnegut kid]

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87 Responses

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  1. Anonymous said, on December 21, 2009 at 5:29 am

    All the Vonnegut kids are gonna feel all awkward commenting on this now, you know.

  2. debkatz said, on December 22, 2009 at 2:42 am

    I simultaneously had a crush on/was intimated by the Vonnegut kids in high school…and I never quite caught up to them…

  3. jon foley said, on December 24, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    This is hilarious. I was the quiet guy in my ninth grade Algebra class. I was the lightly rebellious and very popular Senior. I want to write now, but we all know I’ll fail and end up selling drugs with side effects that kill people for a living. I even took a year off from college to work in Middle-East/North African business development helping a Prince buy sea mammals to suit his own craving for excess.

    I want to call my novel “If The Accident Will” it’s a line from Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse Five”

    I’ve done both to Creep

    I am crazy.

  4. Stephanie said, on January 8, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I have never been more proud to be a Vonnegut kid.

    • Anonymous said, on July 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm

      Same here. I pretty much followed that path exactly, and I’m at art school now. I definitely don’t plan to go to pharmaceuticals though. lol

  5. Scott said, on January 10, 2010 at 1:05 am

    um, one time i put on Exit Music for a Film on the jukebox at a bowling alley while me and all my friends were high on opium. shhhhhhhyeah that night i don’t remember but i will never forget

  6. Xencat said, on January 10, 2010 at 1:34 am

    I read Vonnegut back in the 3rd grade and then moved on.

    • Anonymous said, on October 21, 2010 at 7:35 pm

      gah! nooo you have to be older to appreciate it

  7. D squared said, on January 10, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    I do smoke pot and listen to Radiohead. And “Breakfast of Champions” is my favorite book. Right on.

  8. Claire said, on January 13, 2010 at 4:10 am

    It’s true. I did all three at once. I have a Vonnegut tattoo.

    Actually, you had me pegged completely up through being an art student.

  9. Anonymous said, on January 14, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    got over pot, got over radiohead (LONG ago), never got over vonnegut.

  10. Cait said, on January 15, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    This is hilarious. I’m a Vonnegut fan. I inhaled his stuff after I read Slaughterhouse Five. This also describes me quiet well. I’m probably a little crazy. But, I like Chuck Palahniuk a lot too, and I’m not a boy who can’t read.

  11. Raven said, on January 19, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Honestly…This is hilarious, yet perfect at the same time.
    You’ve got it all right up to the art student.
    I have yet to go into pharmaceuticals, but thanks to you…I’ve found new inspiration.

    Haha.

  12. Anonymous said, on January 30, 2010 at 2:22 am

    Wow

  13. Jc said, on February 1, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    It’s like you’re talking about me. And I’m such a crazy Vonnegut fan that I have him tattooed on my calf.

  14. AMull said, on February 1, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    Geek in high school, got into Radiohead et al in college, now have “so it goes” tattooed on my wrist.
    Spot on, I’d say.

  15. Anonymous said, on February 15, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    thats funny because my dad loves him and is a pharmaceuticals salesman…haha

  16. Cr0ne said, on February 17, 2010 at 1:34 am

    Outcast all my life? Check.

    Crazy? Check.

    Artist? Check.

    Cool? Uuuh..

  17. stephanie said, on February 21, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    i thought the other stereotypes were all pretty apt but this one is wrong. people who call vonnegut their favorite author are a little too cool to call the catcher in the rye their favorite book, so-called outcasts that are in love with themselves. case in point: this comment thread. yikes.

    • x said, on February 22, 2010 at 11:20 am

      or we just like vonnegut.

      • Anonymous said, on February 27, 2010 at 11:31 pm

        No, the comments are pretty bad.

    • jes said, on April 30, 2010 at 11:14 pm

      i hated catcher in the rye. love vonnegut though. why do yo hate vonnegut lovers?

      • Sam said, on July 3, 2010 at 8:57 pm

        I also hated Catcher in the Rye… not because I consider myself to cool, I just didn’t enjoy that book a bit.

        Somehow, I ended up a tattooed-recovering addict-librarian. Who loves Radiohead.

    • Anonymous said, on August 30, 2010 at 12:19 am

      I’m a huge Vonnegut fan, and I honestly hated Catcher in the Rye. Holden Caulfeild is a whiney prepubecent bitch and Vonnegut’s narrators, including himself, are sarcastic, but determined. Holden is always running away. Vonnegut’s character’s do things very deliberately.

  18. Anonymous said, on March 2, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    meowf

  19. girl said, on March 6, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    i really didn’t think you were gonna nail me.

  20. Wade said, on March 8, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    More or less. Although I hope to God that the pharmaceuticals thing isn’t as prescriptive (rimshot) as it sounds.

  21. istappar said, on March 9, 2010 at 10:32 am

    It was a long time ago I read any of his books. I don’t read many novels nowadays but maybe my favoroutite author would be stanislaw lem.

  22. Rita said, on March 15, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    I was a loner, then I was a stoner, then I was slightly cool, I’ve smoked pot to that song, although I am no longer smoking pot and never really cared for Radiohead. While it wasn’t compeltely spot on, the fact that you called me crazy compensates for the rest. I AM crazy, for sure. & now I am in school to become a teacher, infecting the minds of all others. Mwuahaha.

  23. Leighbee said, on March 19, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    I thought this post was amusing, as like others who posted, I was the mute in class that turned into the eccentric rebel. That was before I’d even read Vonnegut, after that my mind was sincerely blown.

  24. Sqwotch said, on March 21, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    This is creepy, I’m at the Art College phase. I don’t see the pharmaceutical thing working out though!

  25. Bokononist said, on April 15, 2010 at 11:55 am

    I’ve got to hand it to you, that’s pretty uncanny. Never realized there was any sort of stereotype for Kurt fans. You also nailed me with Heller, and i had to laugh at Palahniuk fans, which although (obviously) inaccurate, still says something about us.

  26. Le Pax said, on April 21, 2010 at 1:59 am

    lol this is too funny. quiet dude on 7 grade, big mofo by senior year. business owner and tv screenwriter by now. vonnegut = hero. but no, never smoked pot while listening to radiohead.

  27. DJ said, on April 29, 2010 at 10:41 am

    You hit it right on the head for vonnegut….i feel flattered and happy. Thanks a Bunch!

  28. Nick said, on April 29, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    Though lovingly;

    sheep much?

  29. Dude said, on April 30, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Whoa, my wife is a Vonnehead. She paints and, yep, went into pharmaceuticals.

    Great. She better not start blogging.

  30. Kilgore Trout said, on May 1, 2010 at 7:36 am

    If I loved Kurt Vonnegut any more, it would border on necrophilia. However, I must be the least badass Vonnegut fan ever. I don’t think I like Radiohead enough to have sex to creep, and I don’t smoke. I will console myself with the fact that at least I am crazy.

  31. Emily said, on May 3, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    Vonnegut fan here. I love Radiohead, but never that song while doing either of those activities-it’s kinda overplayed, don’tcha think?

  32. Lauren said, on May 6, 2010 at 9:12 am

    Huge Vonnegut fan…but I’ve never moved much past the “quiet girl in your ninth grade math class” phase.

    I’m sure there are plenty of Vonnegut fans who you’ve completely nailed on the head…but I’ve never read him to try to make a statement~ or anything like that. I just think his way with words was brilliant.

    Is there a place for Vonnegut fans like me? ;)

    • Anonymous said, on August 30, 2010 at 12:21 am

      Absolutely. You’re still described in there. I think the point is how eclectic we are.

  33. Sarah said, on May 12, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    I’m a Vonnegut fan and this is embarrassingly accurate.

  34. Edward said, on May 13, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Vonneguts been my favorite author since I was in 8th grade. People are constantly calling me crazy and weird, but I wouldn’t say I’m crazy. Everything I do seems normal to me.

  35. Edward said, on May 13, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Hi Ho.

  36. doug said, on May 16, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    In my time, those embryonic 70′s, all the Vonnegut readers were into prog rock

  37. [...] People who played Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot. Longer explanation here. [...]

  38. Laurie said, on May 30, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    You know, I felt like I fit a lot of the stereotypes till I read this one…and the explanation. I, too, have a KV tattoo (his asshole on my foot), and I pride myself that my resume reflects my breadth more than depth. *laugh*

    I didn’t fit the story you narrated, but I definitely fit the thousand crazy paths.

  39. Rin said, on June 18, 2010 at 2:33 am

    The quiet-kid-turned-rebel-turned-art-student-Radiohead-fangirl, weighing in!

    One of the assignments for my literature class was to read Slaughterhouse-Five.

  40. EWBANH said, on June 19, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    My Vonnegut tattoo owns all yours!!! Just sayin…sorry.

    And No. not a Radiohead fan…though am a pot fan.

  41. drink of scotch said, on June 27, 2010 at 9:09 am

    [...] People who played Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot. Longer explanation here. [...]

  42. Anonymous said, on July 2, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    I love Vonnegut. I love Radiohead. But I hate the song Creep. And I’d imagine that radiohead hatte that song creep as well.

  43. Beck said, on July 3, 2010 at 3:05 am

    Quit my job trading commodities for an energy company and became a professional poker player. My Pandora Station defaulted to the name “Radiohead Radio”. If the shoe fits…

  44. David said, on July 6, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    I’m a 60 y/o Vonnegut kid and..so it goes.

  45. Jay said, on July 7, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Very perceptive. I found Vonnegut rather late in life, but it appears that I already fit the stereotype long before I had read anything other than Slaughterhouse 5.

  46. Aaron Trammell said, on July 8, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    I don’t know who you are or what russian spy network you’re a part of, but I’m asking you nicely to remove all of your cameras and microphones from all the places I fuck and smoke pot. Please?

  47. knightsintodreams said, on July 14, 2010 at 2:18 am

    hahahahaha no way, i was “quiet” in nineth grade (not shy at all, just quiet) then popular without “the popular omg”, aaaand am about to start my first year as an art student. holy hell, that was incredible WAHAHAHA divorce in the future? WTF nOoooOOOoo maybe i’ll get the rich house and mercedes, eh?

  48. Anonymous said, on July 25, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    OMG YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO CRAZY AND, THOUGH YOU WON’T ADMIT IT, SOOOO COOL. BEING QUIRKY IS SO BADASS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE HUMBLE TOO.

  49. K. Windsor said, on July 30, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Well this comment thread seemed to be an exercise in some indulgent, ego-masturbation.

    I’m a huge Vonnegut fan and I was popular throughout high school, a WASP, went to an exclusive private girls school, and I attend a sandstone uni (the equivalent of an Ivy), where I’m about to graduate from my Law degree. I enjoy coke over pot and am dating a girl because I know the top tier law firms are looking for non-threatening LGBTQI individuals for their affirmative action recruitment.

    Inside all Vonnegut fans are sheep who go out of their way not to conform. I just came to the realisation earlier than others.

  50. Brooke said, on August 17, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    I am a huge Vonnegut fan, and I was the quiet kid, but now I am a senior and I am not the least bit popular. I suppose I still have the chance to get into art and pharmaceuticals. I have also always wanted to write a book. Guess we will see.

  51. MJK said, on August 25, 2010 at 12:09 am

    Sort of spot on. High school bit’s 100% right. Never smoke pot. As for sex to “Creep”… haven’t done that, but “Fly” by ALO, several Wilco/Jeff Tweedy songs, and oddly enough, “Party in the USA.”

    My roommate’s a huge fan too. He owns pink pants with green tigers on them.

    I’m also considering a tattoo of Vonnegut’s drawing of an anus.

  52. Anonymous said, on August 26, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    my ex-boyfriend, summarized.

  53. Anonymous said, on August 30, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Maybe a more accurate stereotype would be that we all get Vonnegut tattoos.

    Based on the comments, anyway.

  54. herbie said, on October 3, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    quiet kid, rebel kid, film student. i guess i’m not that unique after all…

  55. Anonymous said, on October 19, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    I am Kurt Vonnegut. All of this applies to me.

  56. Anonymous said, on November 17, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    I was that Cormac McCarthy kid

    I beat up the Kurt Vonnegut faggots

    they were all hipsters in training

    • Anonymous said, on January 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm

      cormac mccarthy sucks. the road was the most boring shit i’ve ever read.

  57. Anonymous said, on November 18, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Completely true! On both accounts!

  58. Anonymous said, on December 2, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    Maybe back in the day, but for us younger readers that would be like doin’ it to the facebook trailer. No thanks.

  59. Steve said, on December 7, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    “Creep” and pot are a little dated, dear. The new generation of Vonnegut fans eat Xanax while listening to the live, solo piano version of “Fog”. Sex, however, is timeless, and the intent is really the same.

  60. -b said, on December 8, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Guity as charged.

    So it goes.

  61. Anonymous said, on December 29, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    I love Vonnegut, I smoke pot, but the song “Creep” is by far Radiohead’s worst song. Sorry miss, but I would never have sex to that bullshit.

    Cheers.

  62. Byron said, on February 2, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I read Vonnegut, tried pot, still listen to radiohead on occasion, was an art major for one year, and now work in pharmaceutical research, and just started blogging. Sigh. totally pegged…

  63. thirdeyetc said, on February 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Vonnegut fan (even have a Vonnegut-inspired tattoo).

    This is my life story if you move “blogging” ahead of the divorce and replace it with “published a independent magazine” and then replaced “pharmaceuticals” with “e-commerce” and moved it after the divorce.

    I definitely have done both while listening to Creep, and I am probably a little crazy.

    Thx! Way more entertaining than astrology.

    • Jeremiah said, on February 10, 2011 at 1:58 pm

      Oh yeah. I have “So It Goes” inside of petrified roses as part of my right arm sleeve. Well done sir lol.

      • Kaykay said, on November 8, 2013 at 1:07 am

        You. Respond to me. Now -__________-

  64. Jeremiah said, on February 10, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    We’re not crazy. We’re normal. YOU’RE the ones who are crazy. Especially because you thought it was worth your time writing half retarded one liners attached to authors names, only about 3% of which had any thought or reasoning behind them.

    • Kaykay said, on November 8, 2013 at 1:08 am

      I mean it foo, now.

  65. Iona said, on February 14, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Wow. I was quiet in ninth grade. And somewhere between then and senior year I indeed smoked pot with Radiohead. Just got accepted to School of the art Institute of Chicago and Maryland institute college of art. Pharmaceuticals could be dangerous, but things happen. Uncanny.

  66. Pastry said, on February 18, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    I am a huge vonnegut fan, although– i smoked to pharcyde, i love painting but refused to attend art school, and i attended culinary school for pastry. and i wouldn’t say i’m crazy.. i’d say emotionally unstable?

  67. Kevin Martini said, on March 13, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    got me

  68. [...] People who played Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot. Longer explanation here. [...]

  69. litchick420 said, on April 24, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Yeah, I suppose this is accurate. Alienating for me because I am the only Vonnegut kid remotely my age, that I know. Never met another besides some of my young teachers. 14 by the way. Any others?

  70. Anonymous said, on July 20, 2011 at 12:56 am

    This is hysterical. It was perfect, I’m even minoring in art, almost went to RISD but didn’t have the cash. I’m majoring in English of course. But, had you asked me such things a year ago I could have told you pre-med. So it goes. However, now that you mention it, Pharmaceuticals might just be the path me… after I travel across Australia first of course. Oh and who hasn’t blazed to creep? That was just a cheap shot.

  71. Grumpy Typewriter said, on February 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Is it possible to sub Tom Robbins for Kurt Vonnegut? just wondering….

  72. briangottesman said, on April 9, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Hey, great post. I just recently got into Vonnegut, but the stereotype still applies to me.

    You got a great sense of humor. keep it up for the lulz.

  73. Angy said, on May 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

    This seemingly does apply to me… strangely! I was the shy girl in algebra who everybody tried to take advantage of be copying my work! By the time I got to my Junior year I was a full on Vonnegut lover!! When senior year came more people than I though knew who I was… half the people I did not even know of! While I had very few close friends, I guess I did become more popular than freshman year, not that I actually took this into consideration! I have not however, done either of those to Radiohead! Nor do I plan to.

  74. Anonymous said, on August 4, 2012 at 2:46 am

    so it goes.


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