Readers by Author
Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author
(by the way – I respect every author on here, kind of)
J.D. Salinger
Kids who don’t fit in (duh).
Stephanie Meyer
People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv ❤ <3.
J.K. Rowling
Smart geeks.
Jack Kerouac
Umphrey’s McGee fans.
Jeffrey Eugenides
Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger.
Lauren Weisberger
Girls who can’t read. Or think.
Jonathan Safran Foer
30somethings who were cool when they were 20something.
Jodi Picoult
Your mom when she’s at her time of the month.
Chuck Klosterman
Boys who don’t read.
Chuck Palahniuk
Boys who can’t read.
Christopher Hitchens
People I would love to hang out with.
Leo Tolstoy
Guys I want to date.
Fyodor Dostoevsky
Guys I want to sleep with. (The difference between the two Russian authors lies in the fact that I think the Underground Man is sexier than Pierre Buzukhov).
Christopher Buckley (or William F. Buckley)
People who love excess verbiage.
Ayn Rand
Workaholics seeking validation.
David Foster Wallace
Confirmed 90’s literati.
Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters)
Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.
Haruki Murakami
People who like good music.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
People who can start a fire.
Nathaniel Hawthorne
People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants.
Charles Dickens
Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.
William Shakespeare
People who like bondage.
Mark Twain
Liars.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
People who drink scotch.
Joseph Conrad
People who drink old fashioneds.
Dominick Dunne
People who get their class from Vanity Fair.
Anne Rice
People who don’t use conditioner in their hair.
Edgar Allan Poe
Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders.
Michael Crichton
Doctors that went to third-tier medical schools.
John Grisham
Doctors that went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic.
Dan Brown
People who used to get lost in supermarkets when they were kids.
Dave Eggers
Guys who are in the third coolest frat of a private college.
Emily Griffin
Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums.
Richard Russo
People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”.
Anais Nin
Librarians.
Margaret Atwood
Women whose favorite color is hunter green.
William Faulkner
People who are good at crosswords.
Jackie Collins
Your drunk stepmother.
Nicholas Sparks
Women who are usually constipated.
James Patterson
Men that score a 153 on their LSAT exam.
Sylvia Plath
Girls who keep journals (too easy).
George Orwell
Conspiracy theorists (too easy).
Aldous Huxley
People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans.
Harper Lee
People that have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade).
Nick Hornby
Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them.
Ernest Hemingway
Men who own cottages.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
People who get ARM mortgages.
Vladimir Nabokov
Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’.
This will be updated.
13 Responses
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Lauren Leto
Lauren Leto 
I’m getting a little bit smitten with your site. Loved your book/drug comparison, particularly the Hemingway and your Murakami correction. I have to say The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle is superior to Kafka, though.
Ugh! Wind-Up is great but agree to disagree?
Thanks, btw!
I guess we’ll have to. Throw down a quip about Hemingway or McCarthy– I’m curious to see how I’m interpreted.
Ha! I’ve been trying to think of one for McCarthy all day. I keep thinking “People with calloused hands” but it isn’t quite right.
That is a hilarious list. Funny as hell.
What about Larry McMurtry? I’m thinking: “Men who think they’re funny and prefer not to bathe”
And Malcolm Gladwell: “Men who mess up their hair on purpose to act like they don’t care”
Ah! I was going to say unemployed finance graduate for Gladwell but I like yours even better!
I used to live in a tiny house called the Cottage. Not quite a real one.
LOL you are too funny! And very literarily hardcore.
I think I have a crush on you now. I speak nerd, too.
crept on here from you link on Twitter. Awesome list Lauren… Agree with a lot of them, also shows me I have a lot to look into!
“William Shakespeare
People who like bondage.”
You rule.
[…] Stereotyping Readers by Their Favorite Authors Jump to Comments Lauren Leto, the genius behind Texts from Last Night and Mom’s Messages, has done it again with the hilarious series “Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author.” […]