Lauren Leto

Readers by Author

Posted in Uncategorized by Lauren Leto on September 24, 2009

Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author

(by the way – I respect every author on here, kind of)

J.D. Salinger

Kids who don’t fit in (duh).

Stephanie Meyer

People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv❤❤.

J.K. Rowling

Smart geeks.

Jack Kerouac

Umphrey’s McGee fans.

Jeffrey Eugenides

Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger.

Lauren Weisberger

Girls who can’t read. Or think.

Jonathan Safran Foer

30somethings who were cool when they were 20something.

Jodi Picoult

Your mom when she’s at her time of the month.

Chuck Klosterman

Boys who don’t read.

Chuck Palahniuk

Boys who can’t read.

Christopher Hitchens

People I would love to hang out with.

Leo Tolstoy

Guys I want to date.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Guys I want to sleep with. (The difference between the two Russian authors lies in the fact that I think the Underground Man is sexier than Pierre Buzukhov).

Christopher Buckley (or William F. Buckley)

People who love excess verbiage.

Ayn Rand

Workaholics seeking validation.

David Foster Wallace

Confirmed 90’s literati.

Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters)

Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.

Haruki Murakami

People who like good music.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

People who can start a fire.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants.

Charles Dickens

Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.

William Shakespeare

People who like bondage.

Mark Twain

Liars.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

People who drink scotch.

Joseph Conrad

People who drink old fashioneds.

Dominick Dunne

People who get their class from Vanity Fair.

Anne Rice

People who don’t use conditioner in their hair.

Edgar Allan Poe

Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders.

Michael Crichton

Doctors that went to third-tier medical schools.

John Grisham

Doctors that went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic.

Dan Brown

People who used to get lost in supermarkets when they were kids.

Dave Eggers

Guys who are in the third coolest frat of a private college.

Emily Griffin

Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums.

Richard Russo

People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”.

Anais Nin

Librarians.

Margaret Atwood

Women whose favorite color is hunter green.

William Faulkner

People who are good at crosswords.

Jackie Collins

Your drunk stepmother.

Nicholas Sparks

Women who are usually constipated.

James Patterson

Men that score a 153 on their LSAT exam.

Sylvia Plath

Girls who keep journals (too easy).

George Orwell

Conspiracy theorists (too easy).

Aldous Huxley

People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans.

Harper Lee

People that have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade).

Nick Hornby

Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them.

Ernest Hemingway

Men who own cottages.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

People who get ARM mortgages.

Vladimir Nabokov

Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’.

This will be updated.

13 Responses

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  1. Eric said, on September 25, 2009 at 3:11 am

    I’m getting a little bit smitten with your site. Loved your book/drug comparison, particularly the Hemingway and your Murakami correction. I have to say The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle is superior to Kafka, though.

    • Lauren Leto said, on September 25, 2009 at 12:35 pm

      Ugh! Wind-Up is great but agree to disagree?

      • Lauren Leto said, on September 25, 2009 at 12:35 pm

        Thanks, btw!

      • Eric said, on September 25, 2009 at 9:54 pm

        I guess we’ll have to. Throw down a quip about Hemingway or McCarthy– I’m curious to see how I’m interpreted.

      • Lauren Leto said, on September 25, 2009 at 10:02 pm

        Ha! I’ve been trying to think of one for McCarthy all day. I keep thinking “People with calloused hands” but it isn’t quite right.

  2. Nathan H. said, on September 25, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    That is a hilarious list. Funny as hell.

  3. Mike Lewis said, on September 26, 2009 at 12:11 am

    What about Larry McMurtry? I’m thinking: “Men who think they’re funny and prefer not to bathe”

    And Malcolm Gladwell: “Men who mess up their hair on purpose to act like they don’t care”

    • Lauren Leto said, on September 26, 2009 at 12:17 am

      Ah! I was going to say unemployed finance graduate for Gladwell but I like yours even better!

  4. Eric said, on September 27, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    I used to live in a tiny house called the Cottage. Not quite a real one.

  5. Kristan said, on September 28, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    LOL you are too funny! And very literarily hardcore.

  6. sandyb said, on September 30, 2009 at 12:01 am

    I think I have a crush on you now. I speak nerd, too.

  7. Erin Ross said, on November 3, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    crept on here from you link on Twitter. Awesome list Lauren… Agree with a lot of them, also shows me I have a lot to look into!

    “William Shakespeare

    People who like bondage.”

    You rule.

  8. […] Stereotyping Readers by Their Favorite Authors Jump to Comments Lauren Leto, the genius behind Texts from Last Night and Mom’s Messages, has done it again with the hilarious series “Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author.” […]


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