How to Fake Like You’ve Read Kerouac
How To Fake Like You’ve Read Kerouac
If you’re trying to present yourself as someone who knows how to chill, let’s review Jack Kerouac.
1. Gotta pronounce Kerouac correctly. CARE [like the bear that your slutty friend dressed up as for Halloween] – O [like the face] – ACK [like that sound your mom made when you accidently sent her those naked pictures of you instead of your significant other].
2. Unlike Salinger, many people will name Kerouac’s most famous book, On the Road as their favorite Kerouac book. Big Sur is often a close second. Scrutinize the person you are talking to – On the Road Kerouac fans are a little less unkempt than those who are Big Sur fanatics. If someone’s favorite book by Kerouac is The Dharma Bums, step away slowly.
3. Everyone’s favorite quote is Kerouac’s quote from On the Road that starts out, “the only people for me are the mad ones…”. You should quote this as your favorite, “I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop”. If the person you are talking to quotes that before you, watch out – you’re wrestling with a real literati.
4. Kerouac was bipolar and it was during a manic episode that he wrote all of On the Road. Look down and mutter, “sometimes it’s a gift. The most talented people…”.
5. Talk about how you can’t believe the amount of smoking and drinking that goes on, and if you want an easy out, segue the conversation into a talk about Mad Men and how much that show makes you want to drink old-fashioneds. If you are unable to do so, move on to the points below.
6. Bring up how Kerouac had the coolest friends. Allen Ginsberg (poet who wrote Howl), Timothy Leary (the “turn on, tune in, drop out” LSD head) and Ken Kesey (the guy who wrote that awesome book that got made into an awesome movie with the awesome actor Jack Nicholson – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest).
7. Bring up how On the Road inspired you to take a road trip with friends (bonus points if you say you did it alone). Big Sur inspired you to go camping. The Dharma Bums inspired you to smoke more pot. The Subterraneans is why you started listening to jazz. Say you haven’t gotten to Visions of Cody because you’re saving it for the train trip you’re planning to take across the country.
8. Your favorite part of On the Road is when they’re in Mexico and Sal is watching the little Mexican girl sweeping. Watch out, this passage has a bit of a pedophile feel to it, so don’t tout this while you’ve got this on (maybe NSFW): http://bit.ly/115ja
Full list here.