Lauren Leto

How To Fake Like You’ve Read Salinger

Posted in book porn by Lauren Leto on January 4, 2010

Reading books is hard, yo! Fake your favorite author.

If you’re trying to present yourself as someone who was a loner in high school, let’s do a quick review of Jerome David Salinger.

1. Most important thing to know about J.D. Salinger is that he is still writing. Supposedly he has loads of stories that he is hoarding away and they will be published after his death. Homeboy is 91 – he might never die so he can spite us all. He seems really good at staying alive.

2. Some theorists say he might be publishing under pseudonyms. The person you’re talking to might mention Thomas Pynchon (they’re wrong). Try and change the subject, I’ll explain that theory another day.

3. As a Salinger fan, Catcher in the Rye is not your favorite book. Catcher in the Rye is the favorite book of people who haven’t read any other book.

4. If you’re trying to impress a girl, say Franny and Zooey is your favorite book (makes you seem sensitive). Tell them that you thought Lane was a douchebag.

4. If you’re trying to impress a guy, say you love Nine Stories and then say: “The ending to A Perfect Day for Bananafish forever changed my opinion about short stories. The ending was so insane!” If they heartily agree with you, crack them up by proclaiming, “I see you’re looking at my feet”.

Good luck.

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8 Responses

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  1. madcynic said, on January 4, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    You are so evil. Making me all curious about books I’ve no time to read. Dangit.

  2. Prongs said, on January 4, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    I just almost died laughing. Now I have to question everyone I’ve ever talked to about Salinger. And saying ‘Catcher isn’t my favorite’ almost made me spit my drink out. Great job!

  3. Aaron Long said, on January 4, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    This was much funnier than the list of authors and their readers. That was funny, but I didn’t know many of the authors. I’m curious to know if you’ve read works by all those authors or just know of them.

  4. Ryan Clausman said, on January 5, 2010 at 12:10 am

    Very nice. Most men love Nine Stories, but Bananafish? How about For Esme. “What did one wall say to the other wall?”. Hilarious.

  5. nostrandave said, on January 7, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Salinger is my favorite.
    Prefect Day for Banannafish was my favorite by him.


  6. […] Salinger here. […]

  7. Mike said, on January 28, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    First to post on this thread after his death!! WOOHOO!!

    Jesus… wtf is wrong with me?

  8. Anonymous said, on January 29, 2010 at 2:56 am

    oh my.

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