How To Fake Like You’ve Read Salinger
Reading books is hard, yo! Fake your favorite author.
If you’re trying to present yourself as someone who was a loner in high school, let’s do a quick review of Jerome David Salinger.
1. Most important thing to know about J.D. Salinger is that he is still writing. Supposedly he has loads of stories that he is hoarding away and they will be published after his death. Homeboy is 91 – he might never die so he can spite us all. He seems really good at staying alive.
2. Some theorists say he might be publishing under pseudonyms. The person you’re talking to might mention Thomas Pynchon (they’re wrong). Try and change the subject, I’ll explain that theory another day.
3. As a Salinger fan, Catcher in the Rye is not your favorite book. Catcher in the Rye is the favorite book of people who haven’t read any other book.
4. If you’re trying to impress a girl, say Franny and Zooey is your favorite book (makes you seem sensitive). Tell them that you thought Lane was a douchebag.
4. If you’re trying to impress a guy, say you love Nine Stories and then say: “The ending to A Perfect Day for Bananafish forever changed my opinion about short stories. The ending was so insane!” If they heartily agree with you, crack them up by proclaiming, “I see you’re looking at my feet”.