2010 Is The New 2009
Pop culture-y wishes for this year:
1. Jon Gosselin, Tiger Woods, the Lohan family, Octomom, Richard Henne, Carrie Prejean and others who have wasted blog space with their lives get sucked up into their own asses. They’d probably enjoy it.
2. I hope the TFLN book succeeds because there are no jobs anywhere else. I live in Detroit. I couldn’t even find a job stripping in this city.
3. We see Lady Gaga casually stepping out to get pizza in a ponytail, no make up and sweats. If we don’t, I will be forced to chalk her up as the tranny robot I know she is.
4. Something happens with healthcare, because I can’t afford to pay for both my own health insurance and the booze, cigs and coffee that render it necessary.
5. The newest in the Twilight series tanks at the box office, as kids realize that VAMPIRES AREN’T REAL and making your boyfriend bite you on the neck while making out DOES NOT make you Bella. However, if you’re making your boyfriend bite you on the neck because of Sookie and Bill, then you’re onto something there.
6. Jersey Shore kids get their own talk show.
7. Arrested Development movie is a go. It scores so well with audiences at the box office they decide to start up the series again. And the series is a success! I don’t have to read another article about how stupid America is for not loving the show.
8. Barack Obama does a nationwide tour called “Hoops with the Prez” because every child deserves to shoot a free-throw with Big O.
9. We find out what Jared Leto’s anti-aging secret is – seriously, google him right now, homeslice is 38.
10. Jennifer Aniston stays single and unhappy because I worry the economy might tank (even MORE) if tabloids stop reporting about Aniston’s desperate, lonely life.